Letting Go
by Blodigealach
Summary: Yagyuu's view about the captain's loss. Gen. Contains personal rambling inside.


Series: Prince of Tennis  
Disclaimer: Konomi Takeshi  
Pairing: Gen (Yagyuu/Yukimura if you squint hard enough)  
Warning: Possible OOC-ness and confusion of idea

Hiro's note:  
Pardon my language—I don't know what the actual f**k did I write. I was just so pissed and heartbroken and everything else that I almost killed my laptop. Big thanks once again to Sei for reminding me that I was being creepy. Sorry for scaring you again, mate. Now I know what you felt the last time you scolded me.

I was going to dedicate this to someone, but since it's not decent at all, I decided not to. I'll take time to write another, since he deserves something much more decent than this one.

As usual, comments and critiques are welcomed, but if this story is not your cup of tea, the 'back' button is available in every browser.

* * *

If it were a dream, he wanted to wake up immediately.

He couldn't believe what he just saw. Seigaku won. Rikkai lost. Seigaku won the nationals. Rikkai failed to get their third consecutive win. The rookie from Seigaku won. Their captain lost. Seigaku and their supporters cheered. Rikkai and their supporter froze.

Echizen Ryoma won. Yukimura Seiichi lost.

Waves of emotions engulfed him, making him lost in his own mind. The thought of his captain losing never crossed Yagyuu's mind before. For him who had watched Yukimura for at least 2 years, Yukimura is the strongest player in Middle School. And yet there he was, losing to none other than a cocky first year. It was the worst scenario that could happen.

The blue-haired captain walked back to the bench, looking slightly disappointed, but he smiled anyway. He apologized to the team for losing and asked Sanada to punish him properly in the next practice. Everyone was disheartened—Kirihara even cried his heart out with Yanagi cuddling his shoulder, trying to comfort the Second Year Ace. Nonetheless, Yukimura smiled gently at them and telling them that he'd take full responsibility for breaking Rikkai's rule and breaking their promise.

Yagyuu clenched his fists. _No_, he thought. Yukimura didn't deserve any punishment. He's still recovering from the surgery _that could end his life_. The brunette knew that the captain would tell him that it's not a valid excuse and a lost is still a lost no matter how you look at it, but he just couldn't accept Yukimura's decision to be blamed for the loss. He's not the only one who's losing. Niou, Kuwahara, and Marui also lost to their opponents, but Yukimura didn't mention anything about their punishment. He talked only about his loss.

It was as if he wanted to take all the blame.

It hurt Yagyuu to see how calm Yukimura talked about it. It hurt even more when they finally went into the locker room, when Yukimura pulled off his tennis uniform, showing the surgery scar branding his usually flawless body. The scar was obviously visible, contrasting against the milky white skin. It was the mark that would forever reminded him about how his captain was just a step away from death, and about how they were just a step away from grasping three consecutive win in Nationals.

Yagyuu tore his sight away from the blue-haired boy, breathing heavily in the fury towards the rookie of Seigaku and himself. He felt useless in time like that. He wanted to do something, _anything_, to comfort Yukimura, but he knew that he's completely powerless to do so. He sighed unconsciously, failing to hold back every single emotion rushing in his head. He closed his locker, zipped up his bag, and left immediately before he started to rampage in that room. He needed fresh air and silence to cool down.

He found a spot under the tree not far from the court. Most people had already gone home, celebrating their win or mourning their loss. Yagyuu sat down and rested his back against the trunk, letting his mind to drift aimlessly before he eventually pulled a notebook and a pen from his bag.

_I've been waiting for the spring to come after this long winter  
__So that I can see the cherry blossom blooming to its fullest  
__Yet the spring wind is indeed cruel  
__The bud has fallen before it bloomed_

The brunette stared deeply into his own writing, frowning until his eyebrows almost touched. Even poetry couldn't make him feel calm like it usually did. He exhaled long before putting his notebook and pen back into his bag, zipping it up and getting ready to go back to the school.

"Ah, there you are," exclaimed Niou as he walked closer to his doubles partner. "Captain told us to go home. No need to gather at school," added the silver-haired boy as he reached out his hand, offering to help the brunette to stand. Yagyuu grabbed that hand and let himself being pulled to his feet, while he gave a questioning look to the other boy.

"He doesn't tell the reason. Let's just go home already; I'm tired," said Niou nonchalantly as he shrugged and yawned. But Yagyuu was still staring at him with the same look, and Niou growled to him for that.

"Fine, let's go check him first. Hopefully he's still in the locker room," grumbled Niou as he walked towards the locker room, Yagyuu following behind him.

"Where's Sanada-kun?" asked Yagyuu. Niou shrugged.

"He went home with Yanagi and seaweed head. The baldy and fatso also already went home. The ones left are only you, me, and captain," replied Niou. Yagyuu didn't ask anything further, although he did feel curious and disturbed when he heard that everyone had gone home, leaving the captain alone.

The two of them arrived in front of the locker room, but Niou didn't take any step closer to it. Yagyuu frowned at him, and Niou rolled his eyes. He cocked his head to the door, silently telling the brunette to go check everything on his own. Yagyuu sighed and shook his head slowly before walking towards the door, opening it slightly to peek inside.

Yukimura was still there, his back facing the doorway. Yagyuu observed him for a while, and he found that there's something wrong with his captain. His shoulders were shaking, and every once in a while he could hear the sharp breath intake. There was no doubt about it; Yukimura was crying—_alone_.

Without even thinking twice, Yagyuu gripped even more firmly to the doorknob, ready to barge in if only Niou didn't grab his wrist forcefully, stopping him from whatever he wanted to do. The brunette glared at the silver-haired boy, silently asking why he stopped him. Pair of aquamarines shot right into the ambers, telling him not to interrupt the captain.

"Niou-kun," hissed Yagyuu, "Let go."

Niou shook his head slowly, not breaking his gaze to the other boy. Yagyuu sighed before he grabbed Niou's collar with his free hand, glaring death to his partner.

"I said; let go," growled Yagyuu.

"No," replied Niou firmly.

"He's crying—"

"I know."

"I have to comfort him—"

"You can't."

"_Niou-kun!_" Yagyuu widened his eyes in frustration. The other stared back at him with ice-cold stare. It was cruel. It was too cruel.

"Niou-kun, he's crying alone in there. Don't you have a heart? It's pitiful—"

"Our captain doesn't need a pity," Niou stated firmly, "Well, correction, he doesn't _want_ a pity. Try to pity him and let's see if you still can stand after the next practice."

Yagyuu scowled at the statement. "Call Sanada-kun or Yanagi-kun, then. Ask them to console him," said Yagyuu. Niou shrugged again.

"No shit, Sherlock. He needs to get over it on his own," replied Niou nonchalantly, piercing and cold in Yagyuu's ears.

"But we can't let him blame himself like this. _I_ can't let him hurting himself; not when he already bears too much scars both physically and mentally," protested Yagyuu. Niou sighed and rolled his eyes, making Yagyuu glaring death at him again.

"That's exactly the point. He shouldn't blame himself for our loss, and he needs to find it out himself. He needs to realize it himself that he can't forever carry the burden all by himself. We're a team, and we lose as a team. But until he realizes it, we can't do anything. No—we _mustn't_ do anything," replied Niou. Yagyuu gritted his teeth, wanting to punch both Niou and himself. He then sighed and let go his grip on the doorknob and Niou's collar.

"He—He'll be fine, right?" muttered Yagyuu. Niou nodded confidently and patted the brunette's shoulder a few times.

"Yukimura is a strong man. He's not called The Child of God for nothing," replied Niou as he grinned at his partner. He then reached out his hand, offering the brunette to go home with him. Yagyuu sighed long before he took Niou's hand, walking side by side with his partner.

But before they left, he took one last glance into the room, seeing how his captain had already stood up firmly. He couldn't help but smile a little, feeling slightly relieved.

_But even if the cherry blossom doesn't bloom this spring  
__I'm sure it'll bloom even more beautifully  
__For it has grown stronger from the harsh wind  
__To be the finest flower god has to offer_

* * *

I want to apologize first for putting this here. I highly suggest that you skip this part, because this contains my personal rambling.

There's an author that I look up to very much here in FFn, and I do admit that I've grown to like him personally. From what I know, he's very dear and kind and extremely talented, but he's very humble and friendly towards his readers (or should I say, his fans). In one way or another, he is my lifesaver, and I owe him so much that I don't know where to start repaying him.

Just a few days ago, he announced that he'll stop writing fanfictions after he reaches 100 stories. It makes me down and I was having a mild breakdown when I heard about that. But it's quite easy to get over the feelings, since I make calculations and it says that there are still at least 2-3 years until he reaches 100 stories, and I calmed down instantly. But just a few hours ago, I got a news that makes me furious. Someone is apparently hurting him verbally for 'stealing' her crush. For me, it's not his fault at all, yet he seemed to keep on blaming himself and trying to carry all of the burden himself. And yet, although it's him who got... _assaulted_... he still thought about her (the assaulter's) feelings.

Well, at least now I know why Sei was being furious when I broke up with my (ex) girlfriend because she, uhh, found another man who can love her more properly than I can do but she's not telling me anything until I finally confronted her. Or using Sei's word, 'cheating'. Although I don't quite like the term because basically I'm being a horrible boyfriend. Okay, I'm starting to be off-track so I'll stop here.

This person... this dear and humble guy... He doesn't deserve to be hurt in any way possible. I've never thought that someone can hate a person like him, but apparently I'm wrong. Jealousy is a cruel, cruel thing. And words can cut deeper than any sharpest sword. The wound is invisible, thus people will never understand how deep and severe the wounds they created with their words. And I hate my uselessness; for being incapable of stringing words that can console him. If only I can meet him face to face, I want to hold him in my arms, whispering that everything will be just fine in the end, and that it's okay to be a little ignorant about what other people said.

It hurts to see him sad. God, I feel like want to cry again. I really am still a pathetic crybaby after all.


End file.
